What the Water Gave Me
by le error
Summary: (Warning- Contains Drug Usage/ Triggering) "This is..I don't even know what to do, Leo. But this hole you have dug yourself, I'm not going to let you bury yourself any deeper. But in order for me to help you, you have to reach your hand out to me and meet me half way."


A/N: Triggering and Drug Usage. Don't read it if you are sensitive to that type of stuff. I don't want to hear any bashing. Constructive criticism is welcomed. This was requested by a friend. I think I did alright. Ending can be up to you.

Raphael's roughly grabbed his brother's head and held his jaw. The pressure made him open up automatically though he was not expecting Raph to shove his fingers down his throat. His eyes widen at the realization of what he was trying to do but it was already to late. Leo closed his eyes and lurched forward into the waste bin and vomited.

Raph's fingers were removed and were now against his plastron, holding him steady as he purged. His other hand was on his shell, patting him hastily as if it would help. Leo coughed and gagged. Tears were at the corner of his eyes, opening them a little to catch the faint small white pills that laid in his pool of sick.

He let out a sob and hung his head down.

Raph's hands were still on him, his grip was tighter but nothing was said. He didn't have the strength to stand on his own any longer and quickly grabbed on his brother's forearm. Everything hurt so much…

"Leo..Leo…what's wrong with ya?" Raphael asked him. He sounded so confused and lost. Another pair of hands slid over his shell and plastron to ease him out of Raphael's hold.

"How many?" It was Donnie.

There was a pause before Raph's voice was heard again. "Seven.." He said shakily. Leo choked out another sob, leaning heavily against his other brother and wrapped his arm around him. Instead of comfort, Don violently grabbed his wrist and lifted him up.

"How many? How many did you take, Leo?!" He asked angrily.

"Seven! I swear! Just seven Vicodin's..that's all..please..it hurts.." His whole body began to shake again, the urge to vomit again rising..

Don loosen his grip and hugged him. He pressed his hand lightly against Leo's head and stroked. He knew his brother was crying too it made the eldest feel terrible. He rested his aching head against Don's shoulder. He couldn't stop shaking and he was in so much pain. He didn't want to move. "S'hurting so much..bad..real bad, D-Donnie.." Leo slurred. His breathing was heavy, trying to keep himself from throwing up all over his brother while in this moment. His head was throbbing, it felt like everything was slowing down and he kept speeding. His throat was closing, his hands were turning numb and his vision began to blacken. Leo felt his brother quickly struggle to keep him up as he lost conscious. He could hear them from a distance. A strong sense of guilt rushed through him.

Not the good kind of rush..he missed that rush..

x- -x

He woke up feeling hot. His mouth was incredibly dry and his body was still shaking as he woke. His eye lids felt heavy as he opened them, a cool towel ran across his face and clean his mouth. Leo looked into the white cloth in confusion though his expression remained neutral. How long was he out? He licked his lips, tasting the small beads of water from the cloth and groaned. He needed water.

The cloth went away and he missing it greatly. It felt so nice against his hot forehead. Leo's eyes looked around, catching Don sitting next to him with a stern look. Donatello placed the small towel down and watched his brother carefully as he came to. Leo's body was spasming lightly, his muscles twitched painfully almost like as if something was buried inside him and trying to escape. The more his brother was awake the more powerful the tremors were getting. His body arched as much as his shell could let him and his arms jerked. Don held down his arms and pinned his elbow against Leo's plastron to keep him down on the bed.

He was angry. He was beyond angry.

Donatello glared at his brother through his struggle till his body finally relaxed and he was reduced to shivering again. He still held on to his right arm, his hand clapped around Leo's wrist and waited. Leo stared back at him with tired eyes, eyes so filled with pain but this was the first Don ever felt no remorse for his sibling.

"You want to explain this?" Donatello snapped the medical tape that was covering the crook of his elbow and bicep. A large bandage that was securely protecting his bony appendage was pulled back. Ugly bruises shined along with punctured skin and deep scratch markings. The scratches were all over Leo's body, mostly covering his arms but were now tended to and cleaned. Some were on his neck, behind his head and thighs. Some were deep as if he spent the entire day digging into his skin and mutilating himself. He was probably unaware of the pain he was causing himself. Nothing was more painful than withdrawal, right?

Leo slowly focused on his badly bruised arm and winched. He liked his dry lips, tasting salt and blood. He was crying.

"I can't believe you.." Don put the bandage back on and carelessly moved his arm back at his side. "I blame myself for not seeing this sooner. I must be a complete idiot."

Leo was crying again but it was mostly due the pain. Shell, his body ached so bad. "Hurts.." He mumbled tiredly.

"Of course it does. When was the last time you stabbed yourself, Leo? Is that why you choked down seven very powerful pain killers? You could have died. If Raph hadn't found you, you would have died, here, in this very bed!"

Leo continued to sob uncontrollably as he weakly grabbed his abused arm with his other hand and tried to turn on his side. His body hurt to much to even move properly. He just wanted to feel better, he wanted to be better again. "I'm sorry..m'sorry.."

Don watched his brother pitifully. He felt drenched with rage over Leo's choice of actions and yet couldn't bring himself to completely abandon him. This was his brother. He still trying to calm down after witnessing Raph shove his fingers into Leo's mouth to save him. He didn't think he could ever scrub that out his memory.

Leo managed to turn his shell to his brother as he cried. He wasn't sure if it was because of him yelling at him but he knew that he was in severe pain. Donatello didn't want to give him anything, he wasn't sure if that was such a smart idea. He never thought he would have to deal with this type of situation. Especially with Leo. Donatello sighed and climbed on to the bed with Leo. He lifted him up with difficulty so that he could rest his head on his forearm as he wept. His body was shaking so badly that he thought he was having a seizure. Don rubbed his hand over Leo's hand, feeling over the scabbed skin and dangerously thin fingers. He smelled of vomit, blood and sweat. He wrinkled his beak at the smell, a few tears escaped his eyes at the sudden memory once again and sighed.

After 4 hours had past, Don managed to haul his sick brother out of the bed and into the bathroom. He vomited violently over and over, his body was weak and limp after the break. Don had his arms around his waist and chest. Leo had lost a lot of weight and it made it easy for Don to lift him into the tub. Leo yelped at the ice cold water, he grabbed Donnie's shoulder and tried to lift himself out but he wasn't strong enough.

"D-D-Donnie!" Leo cried out. He hadn't stopped crying and sobbing for the entire day.

"I know, Leo." Don replied simply. He brushed his hand over Leo's forehead then scooped up some cold water into his hands and began to shower him. He used a small towel again to clean him. Some of his wounds had reopened as Don scrubbed, staining the water with red till it was a dull pink color. Leo was calm after a while, his eyes were fluttering as he stared at the new color. He was shivering still and groaning. Leo was sure he could feel his bones creaking or was that Don leaning against the tub?

He closed his eyes as Don dumped water over his head. He inhaled sharply as the cold water drenched him completely. His breathing became rapid and his throat was closing again.

"Calm down." Don said reassuringly. He placed his hand over his chest and rubbed. He slowly began to relax again.

"Mikey..I..I stole..75 dollars from Mikey..and our savings jar.."

Don listened as he washed his rotting shell.

"T-then I s-stole more..and some more from strangers..people..I d-d-didn't think o-of anything but..but that..just that.." He hiccuped as more tears streamed down his face.

"How did this happen?" Don asked him firmly.

Leo's eyes widen at the question and he swallowed hard. "S-said it make me feel more powerful..D-..D-Don, I d-don't. I feel tired..all the time and sick."

"That's what happens.." Donatello replied coldly. He hadn't meant for it to sound like that but he was thankful Leo didn't notice it.

Leo coughed, "I feel tired..all the time. I feel it eat everything inside me till I'm just empty and it tells me it needs more. S-..so I get more and I thin..think.." He chuckles weakly, his head rolls to the side, "I think..maybe this time it'll be better. For a moment it does b-b-but then I ..I just feel tired, Don." He exhales painfully and leans closer to his brother.

"You hadn't had the strength to even get up from bed, I should have done something but I thought you were just really ill with the flu or something worse." Don said carefully to him. "This is..I don't even know what to do, Leo. But this hole you have dug yourself, I'm not going to let you bury yourself any deeper. But in order for me to help you, you have to reach your hand out to me and meet me half way." He explained.

Leo opened his eyes up more to look at his brother, his brain working overtime just to process the meaning of his words before nodding. "I..d'nt feel strong a-at all.."

"This wasn't meant to make you strong, Leo, this eats everything you are up inside and out. This was meant to consume you and leave you dead. Brother, I don't want to lose you..please.." Don placed his hand under Leo's chin and nuzzled his cheek against the other's. Leo weakly rubbed back and cried along with Donatello. His arm wrapped around Leo's body, cradling him as far as he could over the tub. Leo was limp in his embrace, he couldn't muster the strength to even hug his own brother.

"..m'sorry.." Leo whispered faintly. His eyes closed suddenly as he fell unconscious again.

___He struggled to the surface, his legs kicking hard and his arms reaching higher and higher. He was fighting his way through the endless stream. His hands stretched out towards the bright sun rays to try and pull himself up. His lungs were filling up, his heart was pounding loudly in his ears and his blood pumping. He didn't have much time. _

___Leo fought towards light, he could feel his lungs constricting and his body slowly be enfolded by a cold and uncomfortable blanket. He opened his mouth, filling his lungs up with water and choked. Even though he knew he was drowning, he felt empowered. _

___The blanket was snuggled against him, making him feel restricted and making it more difficult to move. He began to stretch out his arms and legs. Feeling the horrible cover slowly begin to sink into him. He punched and kick. Anything to be freed. _

___Finally, it was lifted. Leo stopped moving and let himself sink. He watched the sun slowly begin to fade as he sunk deeper into the waters. He never made it to the surface but he won. He knew deep down inside that he had won. A sense of relief filled him and for the first time in a while he felt like himself. He felt lighter, more at peace and happy. He smiled, letting more water fill his body willingly as he dropped further till the sun was no longer visible through the dense and dark waters. He let himself be engulfed by the healing water._

___He was free again._


End file.
